Finding The Truth
(draft)
(draft)
From 1967 as the people against the war gain power from there protests and the addition of those against the war being drafted into the military, a conflict developed between those who believed in the war and those against it within the military and it was quickly becoming a place where the devide between those for and against the war and for the war, was as bad as the race issue, within the military.
So there were several issues beginning to smolder over into the fire that you had to try avoiding talking about because you could no longer trust who to say anything to. Religion, Race, the Vietnam War, politics, and mental illness. After the 1968 TET Offensive it got so bad as the Nation began to except the feelings that we should not be in that war and at the same time the military and CIA saw the people as turning against the government creating a suspicion that filtered on down to the Vietnam combat troops and they feared the inelegance as it could mistake them for one of those against the war and for those who returned Stateside for duty it was even worse as the military was divided as a secrecy between those against the war from officers of Companies and officers higher up who were left in thinking things below were just fine. It was a total breakdown of communications and though NCO's from the platoons and companies tried to get to those on top, everything was sabotaged before they got there and even I as a SGT was thrown out with out any chance o war them of what was going on.
In 1968 everything for the Vietnam combat vet was suspicion of everyone in the military and got even worse as they returned home. As for myself I became a SGT and was ordered to take a Combat Infantry Course, that appeared innocent enough, but was in fact a trick to downgrade us for being in a war. Many of use refused to take it because they trick was we had to give up our combat infantry badge earned by being under fire in combat for 60 days, and start wearing a professional infantryman's badge. We considered experience under fire more professional then book-learning about it, and The combat badge has a wreath that covered the rifle that made it so special for us. So I refused to take the course, so the promised my men my stripes if they could find anything against me. So I ended going from one attempted court-martial to another and we could no longer trust anyone in the military and all we could do is hope we could get out fast with a little dignity, and that's what these people wanted to take from us. I was mentally ill before I got back from the war, but I ended up extremely mentally mixed up the moment I got back Stateside from Vietnam and no one would allow me to see anyone in mental health, saying it was a weakness, as though they didn't even have one. So long before we got out of the military we no longer trusted anyone, men, women, or children, and we tested them all in our own special way to see if they could be tested and it got worse as time went by and we saw we couldn't even trust our own family's or local government. So the Government did a good job to keep us from even trusting going to get help from mental health and long after leaving the military the mental health would just get me to trust the government and it would shut down and cause me to panic and the trust would be gone , so I would have to learn to trust all over again, something that got harder to do each time it shut down, The same problems learning to trust my relatives was constantly changing as they did there suspicious things, as I would just start trusting them.
So in the old days we hid from being labeled mentally ill as it was programed into men and women of our society to understand it meant the mentally ill were week and because of it cause bad controlling people to use mental illness as a tool to take advantage of the mentally ill or to get law enforcement to think they were dumb, so wouldn't listen to them at all and judged them as criminals. And there was such a push to get rid of mental hospitals instead of getting rid of the problems cause by special interest groups, like military intelligence or CIA and so many other criminal researchers, it became keep them or get rid of mental health, so they got rid of mental health.
So there were several issues beginning to smolder over into the fire that you had to try avoiding talking about because you could no longer trust who to say anything to. Religion, Race, the Vietnam War, politics, and mental illness. After the 1968 TET Offensive it got so bad as the Nation began to except the feelings that we should not be in that war and at the same time the military and CIA saw the people as turning against the government creating a suspicion that filtered on down to the Vietnam combat troops and they feared the inelegance as it could mistake them for one of those against the war and for those who returned Stateside for duty it was even worse as the military was divided as a secrecy between those against the war from officers of Companies and officers higher up who were left in thinking things below were just fine. It was a total breakdown of communications and though NCO's from the platoons and companies tried to get to those on top, everything was sabotaged before they got there and even I as a SGT was thrown out with out any chance o war them of what was going on.
In 1968 everything for the Vietnam combat vet was suspicion of everyone in the military and got even worse as they returned home. As for myself I became a SGT and was ordered to take a Combat Infantry Course, that appeared innocent enough, but was in fact a trick to downgrade us for being in a war. Many of use refused to take it because they trick was we had to give up our combat infantry badge earned by being under fire in combat for 60 days, and start wearing a professional infantryman's badge. We considered experience under fire more professional then book-learning about it, and The combat badge has a wreath that covered the rifle that made it so special for us. So I refused to take the course, so the promised my men my stripes if they could find anything against me. So I ended going from one attempted court-martial to another and we could no longer trust anyone in the military and all we could do is hope we could get out fast with a little dignity, and that's what these people wanted to take from us. I was mentally ill before I got back from the war, but I ended up extremely mentally mixed up the moment I got back Stateside from Vietnam and no one would allow me to see anyone in mental health, saying it was a weakness, as though they didn't even have one. So long before we got out of the military we no longer trusted anyone, men, women, or children, and we tested them all in our own special way to see if they could be tested and it got worse as time went by and we saw we couldn't even trust our own family's or local government. So the Government did a good job to keep us from even trusting going to get help from mental health and long after leaving the military the mental health would just get me to trust the government and it would shut down and cause me to panic and the trust would be gone , so I would have to learn to trust all over again, something that got harder to do each time it shut down, The same problems learning to trust my relatives was constantly changing as they did there suspicious things, as I would just start trusting them.
So in the old days we hid from being labeled mentally ill as it was programed into men and women of our society to understand it meant the mentally ill were week and because of it cause bad controlling people to use mental illness as a tool to take advantage of the mentally ill or to get law enforcement to think they were dumb, so wouldn't listen to them at all and judged them as criminals. And there was such a push to get rid of mental hospitals instead of getting rid of the problems cause by special interest groups, like military intelligence or CIA and so many other criminal researchers, it became keep them or get rid of mental health, so they got rid of mental health.
Most often the truth is in the eyes of those who think they have all the answers, yet was lost long ago, as time goes by, and lost by people smarter then you or I. We think we have the proof, but keep quiet because we don't really know enough and for many mentally ill they had to be very careful that they had it all right, like dotting the I's and crossing the T's, to be sure it was factual or after that first impression they had to be believed or people like law enforcement would walk away.
Although it changed as many States got rid of psychiatrists and our mental hospitals and psychologists started diagnosing mental illness and not understanding the chemistry involved even created by our own body parts and our brain, let along what could be given to us that can alter our emotions. So diagnosis was most often what the patent said was the problem, often a made up problem and cause a lot of innocent people to end up in trouble because no one in law enforcement had a way to check it out.
During that period of time, con artists were everywhere, even selling Fallout Shelters, and silly people bought them even though nothing would be alive when they would come out after a nuclear attack and all were experts at using gossip to twist anything they could learn into something they could use to control others with, or get you to depend on them or to get someone in trouble, so we had to be extra careful to say anything about anyone, as lives could be ruined because of it, if we are wrong. This is something many in law enforcement should have learned by this time period but some still haven't. That's why whenever I am ask why I was so upset when my brother was killed, and people would ask about it many times and all I could do is say he ran his car over an embankment, being mixed up by the war. Mostly because it was the easiest way to explain it without going into my real feelings, because I was dealing with many mental health issues at that time also as I still am, as was my brother, not only because of the war, but also a petty jealousy and perhaps as suspicions within the family suggest that there was or is a con artist in the family, feelings caused by someone who abandoned my Mom and dad when they needed them most, suggested by my parents, at so many different times and unknown by the younger members of the family.
For Example; I was working for my uncle for $50.00 a month to have money to help my dad out but it wasn't enough so I joined the army so I could send an allotment to my dad, that made it possible to put in a bathroom for my younger brothers and sisters to use and knowing I sent most of my money home after joining the army and as my brother and I were seen by the family and others as hero's for going into combat in Vietnam, causing a great deal of respect bragging about us that cause a petty evil hate by family members who though or left the impression to others they accomplished nothing in there lives except cheat people out of everything they could, causing my parents to see them as crooks within the family.
They kept us all guessing; like, I came home from Vietnam and my dad picked me up saying he had to stop at the bank and learning someone in the family was floating checks from bank to bank, kinda like giving themselves loans without interest, something easy to do back then. Then when my dad ended up in the hospital sick and he told my brother and I some family members had stolen is rifles and hid them in an old culvert, wanting us to get them back and then just before my dad died to bring my brother , mom, and I into his room before he had the tubes removed and ask us to watch over our mother or they would trick her out of all she may get to raise the younger children, when he died. causing a lot suspicion and fear for my brother and I to live with for years, for our mothers, younger brothers and sisters future as we were both extremely mentally ill from the war and I to psychically disabled to help anyone. I explained this to my dad and he understood, but we did all we could do for them.
Perhaps this gave our enemy's the opportunity to get rid of us and no one would suspect a thing as we were nuts from the war and they could use even secrets or partial secrets to shut others up, so hide what they were doing.
To have a crime you need a motive, method, and opportunity. Of course a motive would be to get the money my mom got to take care of her children. the method would be to get her away from my brother, as he was the main obstetrical that kept them from getting to her money as he lived with her, and even slept on the floor in her bedroom so she could wake him up from his nightmares, and after they tricked her into living with them, he managed to stay close so she could talk to him about it all and do what he could to help the children. This also caused suspicion from the things she told him about what was going on. Of course they didn't like any of this. And of course then they would have to trick her into moving to another area, and they did just that. but it went bad and they had to move back. So to gain control of her again they would have to get rid of him. The suspicions in my brain kept building, but no one else seemed alarmed and my brother was happy because it make it easier to watch over her for both of us.
The night my brother was killed there were a number of break-ins around Aitkin and the rumors were within the police dept that his tire was shot out and that looked to my military mind like the break-ins were a diversion.
A few years later members of my family told me A friend of the family admitted to shooting my brothers tire out causing him to go over an embankment on a curve tearing his arm and leg off as he flew out of his convertible. But it was an added suspicion to my already suspecting mind, that became a burden wanting further proof, and those older family members were convincing the younger brothers and sisters that it was all in fun so what could I do.
I to this day believe, (perhaps because of my mixed up mind) that my brother was murdered in cold blood encouraged or paid for by members within our family, but when I got to sick with cancer, the sicker and more mentally mixed up I got I decided it best to keep it as a part of the past, because I was all alone trying to prove the impossible and now with dementia, to much left to depend on the past for proof, because this had to be pasted together from old writings.
I had no idea things would get worse as they thought I was still a threat, destroying everyone they felt would defend me if I went on, little did they know I was already hurt to bad to even defend those they hurt. What we fail to understand is to depend on the past for information is depending on a guess by a know it all. An example is; we have two theory's of the beginning of time, one is the big bang, but it takes two elements to explode and you can't even get one from nothing, so It has to be two, a God right, but where did a God come from when there was nothing. So it is best to settle with a God and don't judge anything based on what was and use an open mind to judge what is.
And those children my brothers and my brothers and sisters, well they all did good for all they went through in that crazy time period.
Just a few more this to polish up and I will be done with this.
Although it changed as many States got rid of psychiatrists and our mental hospitals and psychologists started diagnosing mental illness and not understanding the chemistry involved even created by our own body parts and our brain, let along what could be given to us that can alter our emotions. So diagnosis was most often what the patent said was the problem, often a made up problem and cause a lot of innocent people to end up in trouble because no one in law enforcement had a way to check it out.
During that period of time, con artists were everywhere, even selling Fallout Shelters, and silly people bought them even though nothing would be alive when they would come out after a nuclear attack and all were experts at using gossip to twist anything they could learn into something they could use to control others with, or get you to depend on them or to get someone in trouble, so we had to be extra careful to say anything about anyone, as lives could be ruined because of it, if we are wrong. This is something many in law enforcement should have learned by this time period but some still haven't. That's why whenever I am ask why I was so upset when my brother was killed, and people would ask about it many times and all I could do is say he ran his car over an embankment, being mixed up by the war. Mostly because it was the easiest way to explain it without going into my real feelings, because I was dealing with many mental health issues at that time also as I still am, as was my brother, not only because of the war, but also a petty jealousy and perhaps as suspicions within the family suggest that there was or is a con artist in the family, feelings caused by someone who abandoned my Mom and dad when they needed them most, suggested by my parents, at so many different times and unknown by the younger members of the family.
For Example; I was working for my uncle for $50.00 a month to have money to help my dad out but it wasn't enough so I joined the army so I could send an allotment to my dad, that made it possible to put in a bathroom for my younger brothers and sisters to use and knowing I sent most of my money home after joining the army and as my brother and I were seen by the family and others as hero's for going into combat in Vietnam, causing a great deal of respect bragging about us that cause a petty evil hate by family members who though or left the impression to others they accomplished nothing in there lives except cheat people out of everything they could, causing my parents to see them as crooks within the family.
They kept us all guessing; like, I came home from Vietnam and my dad picked me up saying he had to stop at the bank and learning someone in the family was floating checks from bank to bank, kinda like giving themselves loans without interest, something easy to do back then. Then when my dad ended up in the hospital sick and he told my brother and I some family members had stolen is rifles and hid them in an old culvert, wanting us to get them back and then just before my dad died to bring my brother , mom, and I into his room before he had the tubes removed and ask us to watch over our mother or they would trick her out of all she may get to raise the younger children, when he died. causing a lot suspicion and fear for my brother and I to live with for years, for our mothers, younger brothers and sisters future as we were both extremely mentally ill from the war and I to psychically disabled to help anyone. I explained this to my dad and he understood, but we did all we could do for them.
Perhaps this gave our enemy's the opportunity to get rid of us and no one would suspect a thing as we were nuts from the war and they could use even secrets or partial secrets to shut others up, so hide what they were doing.
To have a crime you need a motive, method, and opportunity. Of course a motive would be to get the money my mom got to take care of her children. the method would be to get her away from my brother, as he was the main obstetrical that kept them from getting to her money as he lived with her, and even slept on the floor in her bedroom so she could wake him up from his nightmares, and after they tricked her into living with them, he managed to stay close so she could talk to him about it all and do what he could to help the children. This also caused suspicion from the things she told him about what was going on. Of course they didn't like any of this. And of course then they would have to trick her into moving to another area, and they did just that. but it went bad and they had to move back. So to gain control of her again they would have to get rid of him. The suspicions in my brain kept building, but no one else seemed alarmed and my brother was happy because it make it easier to watch over her for both of us.
The night my brother was killed there were a number of break-ins around Aitkin and the rumors were within the police dept that his tire was shot out and that looked to my military mind like the break-ins were a diversion.
A few years later members of my family told me A friend of the family admitted to shooting my brothers tire out causing him to go over an embankment on a curve tearing his arm and leg off as he flew out of his convertible. But it was an added suspicion to my already suspecting mind, that became a burden wanting further proof, and those older family members were convincing the younger brothers and sisters that it was all in fun so what could I do.
I to this day believe, (perhaps because of my mixed up mind) that my brother was murdered in cold blood encouraged or paid for by members within our family, but when I got to sick with cancer, the sicker and more mentally mixed up I got I decided it best to keep it as a part of the past, because I was all alone trying to prove the impossible and now with dementia, to much left to depend on the past for proof, because this had to be pasted together from old writings.
I had no idea things would get worse as they thought I was still a threat, destroying everyone they felt would defend me if I went on, little did they know I was already hurt to bad to even defend those they hurt. What we fail to understand is to depend on the past for information is depending on a guess by a know it all. An example is; we have two theory's of the beginning of time, one is the big bang, but it takes two elements to explode and you can't even get one from nothing, so It has to be two, a God right, but where did a God come from when there was nothing. So it is best to settle with a God and don't judge anything based on what was and use an open mind to judge what is.
And those children my brothers and my brothers and sisters, well they all did good for all they went through in that crazy time period.
Just a few more this to polish up and I will be done with this.
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